Such a perfect day!

Yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a long time. It was the first day off from work, kids & my husband. It was nice to be able to decide what I want to do & who I want to do it with. So, I woke up at 6:30 am and went to the clinic to get my dose and counseling. I got to listen to my favorite radio station X96 the whole way there & back. I came back home and wished Harley a good day & finished listening to my radio program until 10:00 (while scrapbooking photos of my kids). Then I went to my mom's & figured out how to download my favorite podcast to my ipod so I can listen to the show at work when times are slow and dull. I laid down for a bit at my mom's (which I never have time to do on a regular day) and napped for an hour before going to visit my mom-in-law at Salt Lake Regional Hospital. I always feel good when I enter the hospital room because she makes me feel so wanted. She just beams and clings to me when I visit. She's been on pain meds & they make her very groggy so when she closes her eyes I usually want to leave her alone to sleep. This time I could tell she was very tired but when I asked she said no because she didn't want me to take off. So I told her that I would lay my head next to her & we would both nap together. She scooted over for me to lay by her but I declined the offer. She's on one of those air mattresses and she only weighs like 100 lbs right now so I didn't want to cause her to fly off of the bed as soon as I lay by her. She understood as soon as I explained why. She laughed. She held my hand for 45 minutes while we rested. Anyway, we hung out for 3 hours total and then I left to pick up my kids from their dad's house in Holladay. Parker got a perfect report card so I wanted to reward him. He chose to go to dinner with me at the Golden Corral. Izabel wanted to go because she was only 2 marks short of a perfect report card. So because I was taking the 2 older kids I didn't want Timmy to feel left out so we all went! First I bought Parker new shoes and then we met Harley for dinner. lt was just one of those days that you never want to end!

Life is like a box of chocolates

Well, life has been rather Hellish lately. My mother-in-law, Rose Cook, had a stroke back in May. We thought she was going to die because she had a massive blood clot in her brain & she was completely unresponsive. The doctors told us to say our goodbyes so we did. We went through all the motions of losing someone & then a few hours later another doctor tells us that there's a chance that she will be fine. We knew she did not want to be a vegetable but the doctors insisted that she would be able to walk, talk and be herself again. That is not the case at this time. Her quality of life is completely diminished. She lived in a rehab facility after being in the hospital for a month and they were able to teach her how to walk, eat, use the toilet, and a little bit of her speech has returned but not much. She can answer yes & no questions but that's about it. She's been living at our house & sleeping on our couch for the last month - until last Monday. I had just given her her morning meds (which is like 20 different pills) when she started having a seizure. I thought she was dying so I called the paramedics & they took her to the hospital. They found out that she has an infection in her heart & they say that although she's only 65 years of age she has the body of a 95 year old. That says it all. She has had poor health for the last 5 years that I've known her & at this point its just a matter of time. They want to replace the valves in her heart but they think she's too weak to survive heart surgery so she's getting antibiotics intraveniously. I believe that when she is released from the hospital she will be put in a facility that helps people with medical needs. On top of taking care of Rose we have 3 kids that we're trying to raise properly and we all know how hard that can be. Harley & I both have jobs that can be real demanding to the point where we barely see eachother. We try to make it to church every Sunday. Also, my mother has a home that she pays me to clean weekly and she has a business that I help her run when I have a free moment. Life is just so busy right now. Not to mention that since July I have been attending an outpatient clinic to help with my addiction. I take suboxone on a daily basis which is a medication that blocks opiates from absorbing into my receptors - so if I were to try to take any drugs they wouldn't do anything for me. I can't get high even if I wanted to. I've been doing so well in that department because my cravings to escape have disappeared. Its weird because I've been through more crap in the last few months to last a lifetime yet I wouldn't turn to drugs for any reason whatsoever. Life is hard enough without adding stuff like drugs & alcohol to the situation. I just have to keep taking it a day at a time & remember that things happen for reasons that we may never understand. I believe that life throws us curveballs so that after all is said & done - we are stronger & more knowledgeable afterwards. My mom always taught me that doing what is hard to do will build character & make you better & happier with yourself in the end. She's right. Like Forrest Gump's mom said, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get!"

Crazy Cook Ingredients

My life has been full of shinanigans for as long as I can remember. I look at others and wonder how they got off so easy and it turns out - we all have our own chaotic lives - some people just know how to hide it better than others. I have been told many times that I need to put a filter on my mouth because I tend to say whatever I'm thinking (good & bad). It's a curse I bestowed upon myself the day I found out who my real father is. Btw - It was when I was 20 & I was in a good place (mentally) at the time so I didn't let it screw me up too much. So when the man who I thought was my father told me that - the puzzle started fitting into place. I wasn't upset b/c all of a sudden everything from my childhood made sense. I'm the way I am b/c my mother & biological father have so many of the same qualities that were passed on to me. I love it! And all this time I wondered why my 4 other siblings were so different from me. The kicker here is - the father of my siblings, whose name is Ralph, told me this so that I would be pissed at my mom & hate her. It didn't turn out that way. My mother & I had a sweet little chat & she was honest with me about it all & we became closer b/c of it. And on top of that my 'real' father is in my life & my children's lives more - so it kind of backfired on him. I wondered why 'Uncle Buzz' came around everytime I had a new baby - He wanted to see his daughter's babies!